I would have given you anything.
The world on a string.
The best and bright treasures.
The intangible collection of soul
That I proudly and with awe
Pulled out and showed you
Piece by piece,
A child's show and tell.

But you couldn't see the magic
In the odd display.
The stones were just stones.
The broken toys,
The glued together heart,
The tenacious bravery,
Were all just junk.
And I was shamed.

And I tried to be whatever you needed.
Whenever.
So the tree became a river
That flowed around your every whim
With little resistance.
With eyes averted at your faults.
With unconditional mercy
For ever planned betrayal.
With acceptance for every other lover
That you loved instead of me.

And I kept few things hidden
Away from your hand.
Miniscule pieces of me,
And when I left
These became the seeds I planted.
Accepting the loss of self
While it grew.
I am not a river.
I cannot bend and bend and bend
Forever
While you harvest from me,
From the best fruits and call them bitter.

While I shy away from the kindness of others,

And hide from the concern of friends,
The questions of strangers.
Because I don't know why,
I don't know and I make the excuses to protect you.
Because you are an iccarus of a boy and you don't know your wings are melting. 

I cannot save you.

I cannot save you,

Because I am a tree 

And you, 

You are made of paper hellbent on the sun. 

Love never ends

Love woke me in the morning,
Stung me with the pin prick of heartache
As I lay defenseless and open-
Not yet able to tell if this was a dream.
The foggy mornings you wrapped your arms around me tightly
I thought it was just one morning of forever
Instead of a handful of numbered days.

The story replayed and chased me 

through my sheets still slick with sweat.

Hunted me down with a longing I am yet too young to be haunted by. 

Spun in my mind til I was dizzy and mad with stars.
I wonder when I will be my own again.
For I am no longer yours,
You are no longer mine,
We loved eachother for a brief blink of time.

I wonder when you will stop showing up 

between a strangers cologne on a crowded sidewalk 

and the last restaurant we ever shared a meal in togther.
Because you are no longer mine.
And if I am no longer yours 

Why are all my insides scattered like a toddlers puzzle?
Why didn't you put my pieces back neatly and in their box on the shelf?
  where did those small pieces go to die?
I've looked through my possessions, under my couch, and through my closets
I still haven't found them yet.
I stopped painting a year after knowing you,
I said nothing about everything a year after I left,
I forgot how to dress myself,
Regressed.
Left in such a hurry with my possession stuffed in garbage bags 

that I didn't bring all the fragments 

No. No.
I stitched myself togther but the wound hasn't closed.
I'm not alone or lonely.
With all the offers of company.
Just missing
But not missed.

You never think of me,
I know you never did.
It would be so much easier to hate you.
Instead of working around the pain of loss
Like a blanket whose tightly knit edges my over worried fingers have worn down.

When does it stop hurting,
And when does it just stop?